Parade

Karin is briefly out of town. Martin & Mary and I watch the Parade of Nations, which takes place in the Maracanã.

“This is your favorite thing to watch, John-Paul,” Mary says.

“What do you mean?”

“You know. The female athletes.” She is referring to the manner in which I admired the Sochi 2014 Parade of Nations. (I was single then.)

I observe that these athletes aren’t as beautiful as those of the winter olympiad.

“Well, of course not,” says Mary. “The summer athletes aren’t as rich.”

Countries large and small parade their delegates. The TV commentators are absolute d-bags. Of Djibouti they say, “Once every four years, someone is forced to pronounce this country’s name.” Mary and I loudly boo this remark. The commentators read from their notes: “The U.S. has a military base in Djibouti.” Really? This is all they can think to say about Djibouti? Booooo! Booooo!

Of Eritrea they say, “We bet you don’t know where this country is.”

“It’s right next to Djibouti, you d-bags!” we yell at the TV.

Mary is worried that the Ecuadorians won’t be shown; the commercial breaks are too frequent. But the Ecuadorians are shown. The commentators make some respectful remarks about the great speed-walker of 1996, Jéfferson Pérez.

Mary complains: “That’s exactly what they talked about in the London Olympics.”

I don’t mind. I’d be relieved if they only talked about Jéfferson Pérez until kingdom come.

The alphabetization is in Portuguese, and so the athletes of the Federated States (estados) of Micronesia are paraded out right before those of the United States (estados) of America.

“Need we talk about this country?” the commentators say of Micronesia. They chuckle. “Well, all right. This is the country that comes right before you-know-who” (i.e., the USA).

Again Mary and I are indignant.

Martin mutes the TV while the 500 U.S. athletes come into the stadium. It takes so long for them to march in, the TV goes to a commercial break.

“What!” I say. “They cut out the athletes of their own country!”

“Business commitments are very important to them,” says Mary.

And that’s all I wish to see of these Olympics. If anything occurs that’s worth watching, I’ll find it later on YouTube.