The woebegone

I’d hoped to write a long entry about Ecuador’s companions in misery in this World Cup. But, scanning the list, I found just two, maybe three, comparably disappointing teams: Türkiye (eliminated, having lost twice); Uruguay (nearly eliminated, having drawn twice); and Senegal (nearly eliminated, having lost twice). (I fancy Senegal’s chances against Iraq, however; I don’t fancy Uruguay’s against Spain.)

UPDATE: As I type, the South Koreans are losing to the South Africans; if the result holds, they’ll finish third in the group. And if they don’t scrape through in that position, it will be a tremendous disappointment.

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Other teams have been eliminated or soon will be, but none came into the tournament with the expectations of Türkiye, Uruguay, Senegal, or Ecuador (UPDATE: or South Korea). There’ve been no shocking breakthroughs (UPDATE: not unless the South Africans preserve their victory, anyway). But some teams have exceeded expectations on the field, if not in the standings. I tip my hat to the eliminated Panamanians. I tip it to Cape Verde and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, each of which may yet pull through. I tip it to New Zealand (in dire straits) and Iran (in straits slightly less dire).

I might be expected, for graciousness’s sake, to tip my hat to the Curaçaoans. But I won’t unless they acquit themselves against the Ivorians. Ecuador outplayed Curaçao, after all.

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More notes. This is turning out to be a World Cup for top-drawer strikers. Messi, Haaland, and Mbappé have astounded. Vinícius Júnior and CR7 have shown flashes, if less consistently. And the whole Dutch front line looks good.

Less famous but also excellent: Germany’s Deniz Undav; Morocco’s Ismael Saibari.

I couldn’t say the same for any of the defenses, except maybe Argentina’s – which is considered fragile by some pundits. (Nor have the Mexicans and Spanish conceded, but they hardly have been tested.) The best individual defensive performance was by Bosnia & Herzegovina’s captain, Sead Kolašinac, against Canada.

As late as yesterday, it was mathematically possible for Ecuador to win the World Cup without ever scoring. I told my brothers I’d gain pleasure from such an outcome. I don’t think they agreed. Their Internet silence was rather loud.

An entertaining draw

– but a goalless one – between Peru and Ecuador. The Peruvians are a hairsbreadth from elimination. I’m sorry about that. They play hard but can’t score goals.

Peru: sixteen games played, six goals scored. 😢

Ecuador: sixteen games played, thirteen goals scored, five goals conceded. Three of the five were conceded during the first three games. These are amazing statistics. I wonder if any defense in CONMEBOL’s history has been so stingy (that is, since this qualification format was adopted in the mid-1990s). I’ll find out. Not tonight; after all the games have been played.

Average (i.e., mean) scoreline involving Ecuador: Ecuador, 0.8125 goals; opponent, 0.3125 goals.

Average (i.e., mode) scoreline: 0–0.

No wonder it has seemed so dreary. I should be grateful. This is historic.

Together with Venezuela’s defeat to Uruguay, this draw ensured Ecuador’s passage to the World Cup. Brazil also qualified. Uruguay and Paraguay each need one more point from two games (or else that Venezuela not obtain six). Colombia’s position also is strong. The Bolivians trail Venezuela by a point; either Bolivia or Venezuela will claim the play-in spot.

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Protests this weekend. Stay safe! Better yet, stay home! Some protests are effective. My hunch is, these won’t be. They’ll just embolden the government to crack down further. This is a powder keg, and all it needs is for some cop or protestor to kill or get killed.

Don’t like how things are going? Vote.

The case against living in las Malvinas

… a.k.a. the Falklands.

Argentina came within a point of qualifying for the World Cup, defeating Uruguay, who fell in the standings. Ecuador rose to second place. We’d dropped to fifth because Brazil and Paraguay won their games; but then we beat Venezuela, 2–1, in what should have been a cakewalk but became rather fraught when Venezuela scored.

Enner scored twice for Ecuador but missed a penalty kick, as is his way. Other outstanding players were midfielder Pedro Vite and goalkeeper Hernán Galíndez. The latter dislocated his finger; Pervis pulled it back into place.

Five games remain for each team. We’ll play on Tuesday, in Santiago. The Chileans are last.

Karin took Samuel to the emergency room last night because we worried that he had appendicitis. He didn’t, thank goodness. Today we’re all much happier.

Copa América

Biden and Trump are debating, but I’m watching Bolivia vs. Uruguay.

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Uruguay and Argentina are the cream of this tournament and should reach the final. I’d say that apart from them, only the Colombians have much of a chance (but I’d be speculating, since I missed their opening game).

By “much of a chance,” I mean about three percent.

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Among the also-rans, several teams have had matches spoiled by red cards: Ecuador, Peru, and the USA.

I’m a modest person … I don’t like to gloat … but Ecuador’s red card was the least stupid of the three.

A Panamanian also was red-carded; but his punishment came late in the game, and it was for a proper, honest-to-goodness patada.

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Happy birthday to my dear friend, Grace, the Salvationist.

Today also is the fifth anniversary of my dissertation defense. (I just pulled that volume off the shelf. For a double-spaced work, the typesetting really is aquittable.)

It must also be the fifth anniversary of my last meeting with Dick Miller and Nick Sturgeon. 🥺

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R.I.P. Kinky Friedman, the Jewish Texan who wrote hilarious murder mysteries, set in Manhattan, in which he cast himself and his friends as detectives. (This description barely scratches Friedman’s surface.) I learned about him during the first lecture of my first college U.S. history class. I have no idea why he was mentioned, beyond the obvious fact that he was too important to omit.

Argentina 1, Ecuador 0

I viewed the second half of Ecuador’s “friendly” match vs. Argentina, preparatory to this summer’s Copa América (which, for reasons of greed, is being held in the United States). It was played in Chicago. Ecuador lost; our coach is still clueless; we are devoid of strikers; Argentina is a cut above. Even so, I enjoyed the game. Such players as Moisés Caicedo and Willian Pacho give pleasure no matter what the rest of the team is doing. And by now I have a great liking for these Argentinians. They may not always win, but everything they do is purposeful; and the goal Di María scored tonight was pure artistry. “They teach you not to toe-poke,” the commentator said, “but this is when you toe-poke.” (Right, but who are these morons teaching children not to toe-poke?) De Paul’s pass was lovely, too, and Romero should be credited for moving to an unusual position to receive it.

I also liked that the Ecuadorians and Argentinians kicked each other hard but still joked with each other on the field. (They might not have been so friendly in, well, a non-“friendly.”)

Also gratifying (more so, result-wise): Colombia beat the USA, 5–1; and Uruguay beat Mexico, 4–0. David and I noted that the Uruguayans barely seemed to try, except for their poor wingers who had to keep running into empty space, and poor Darwin Núñez who had to stay with them to convert his tap-ins.

Venezuela 0, Ecuador 0; Argentina 0, Uruguay 2; Brazil 1, Colombia 2

The Venezuelans are at their all-time best. They’re on pace to qualify for their first World Cup.

Ecuador outplayed them in Maturín, in the far northeast, about as far as you can go without straying into CONCACAF land. What an uninspiring game this was. Neither team covered itself with the tiniest shred of glory.

Whenever the Ecuadorians would recover a ball in their opponents’ half, they’d send it to their back line to “recycle” possession. It seems to be what this coach wants them to do.

We’ve scored four goals in five games. We’ve scored in just two of those games.

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For the first time ever, Argentina and Brazil lost qualification games on the same day – Argentina at home, against the superb Uruguayans, and Brazil in Colombia. Luis Díaz, whose father, recently released from kidnapping, was in the stands, scored two late goals to sink the Brazilians.

The Brazilians are on a two-game losing streak – their first ever in World Cup qualification. It might become a three-game losing streak. They’ll play Argentina next. I expect the Argentinians to be in a kicking mood. They hadn’t lost since the first game of the World Cup. Before that, they hadn’t lost in dozens of matches.

Qualifiers 1 and 2 (at Argentina; vs. Uruguay)

Thursday, September 7, in Buenos Aires: Argentina 1, Ecuador 0. Free-kick goal by Messi.

Today, in Quito: Ecuador 2, Uruguay 1. Two goals by Félix Torres.

Also of note: Ecuador’s prodigy, Kendry Páez, no. 16, aged 16, played well against and was brutalized by the Uruguayans (I mean, was brutalized physically, not footballistically).

Our goal differential is zero and our point total is zero because we began the tournament with minus-three points. Even so, in these two games, we climbed from last to second-last in the standings. Ante-ante-penultimate’ll be good enough for us to qualify for the World Cup’s intercontinental play-in round. Ante-ante-ante-penultimate’ll be good enough for us to qualify directly for the World Cup.

But that’ll be determined years from now.

Europe vs. South America; a new phone for Karin; mischief

I just realized: of all the World Cup winners, Argentina has the second-fewest people; only Uruguay is smaller. Spain boasts more souls than Argentina, and so did the old West Germany – even the West Germany of the 1950s.

Contrary to popular belief, Europe vs. South America isn’t mainly a contest of old vs. new, rich vs. poor, sophisticated vs. naïve, scientific vs. intuitive, central vs. peripheral, networked vs. disconnected, etc. (and not all of those dichotomies correctly describe the two regions, anyway). No, it’s mainly just bigger countries vs. littler ones.

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Daniel has been throwing things into the toilet. He clogged it up for a couple of weeks. We had to hire a plumber.

Last week, he threw Karin’s phone into the toilet. Karin bought a new phone.

Tonight, Karin and the children have been taking selfies and filtering them through TikTok. I’ve never heard Samuel laugh so hard for so long.

One more. No, it isn’t Daniel’s face on Samuel’s t-shirt; the filter gave a new face to Thomas the Tank Engine.

I had no idea a phone could do this sort of thing.

Vexillologists

I missed Flag Day – June 14 is the date – and, anyway, I’m not an admirer of “Old Glory.” But like Stephen when he was a child, and Samuel now, I do appreciate a good flag, and a bad one.

These are some noteworthy flags you may not have seen:

(1) The flag of Åland (an autonomous region of Finland). Good.

(2) The flag of the International Federation of Vexillological Associations. Good.

(3) Indeed, vexillological groups generally create good flags.

(4) The North American Vexillological Association, in keeping with its mission, has an elegant flag (and a hideous official seal – it’s a specialist group, for sure). The organization designs a different host-city-themed flag for each annual meeting. Some highlights: Salem, Mass. (1979); Indianapolis (2004); Charleston, S.C. (2009); Salt Lake City (2013); New Orleans (2014); Ottawa (2015); San Antonio (2019); and Zoom (2021).

(5) I went down this rabbit trail because I was reading about Pocatello, which has a very good flag but used to have an absolutely terrible one, rightly excoriated by vexillologists.

(4) Milwaukee’s flag is notorious enough to have its own Wikipedia page, but I kinda like it. The golden wheat stem and golden, vertically-written founding date on opposing edges of the flag confer a nice symmetry, and the whole is reminiscent of artwork for the Asociación Uruguaya de Fútbol. As for the other stuff on the flag, well, busy ain’t always bad (cf. Pieter Bruegel the Elder).

(5) Simple ain’t always good. I don’t like Provo’s awful old flag.

I could go on and on. Most of my readers could, I suspect. What topic is easier to opine on than flags? So far as I know, the late philosopher Josh Parsons was no trained vexillologist, but that didn’t stop him from grading the world’s flags. I must constantly battle the urge to do the same.

For nerds

The latest video from Un mundo inmenso takes us on a quick tour through utopian social theory, with mentions of Plato, More, Bellamy, and Nozick …

… as a prelude to discussion of a homegrown work, Arjirópolis or Argirópolis (1850) by Domingo Faustino Sarmiento, the author of Facundo.

Sarmiento wrote a lot of things. Even so, I’m a little shocked that I hadn’t heard of this book. I’m especially shocked that there’s no mention of it in the best English edition of Facundo.

I’m not shocked that Argirópolis wasn’t translated until recently, or that the translation’s price is $70. But there’s no fee attached to the Spanish original, in which Sarmiento uses utopian spelling (Arjentina, Uruguai, fewer accent marks, i rather than y, etc., etc.).

To call this book “utopian” is a bit misleading. A utopia is a no-place, or a no-place-in-particular, but the new country is precisely situated: it’s a confederation formed from Paraguay, Uruguay, and river-adjacent parts of Argentina, with a new capital on an island in the Río de la Plata. As in Facundo, the local geography determines the politics; the new land subscribes to no replicable political philosophy, though certain countries (e.g., the USA) serve as its models.

This is perhaps one of the more prescient “utopian” works, anticipating and even recommending the subservient role that Latin American countries would assume in global trade. Sarmiento is said to have been a Latin American apologist for neoliberalism well ahead of his time. To assess whether this is fair, I’d have to read the book.

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If the world had only twenty countries of roughly equal surface area, what would they be?, Un mundo inmenso asks in another recent video.

So: the channel has turned to counterfactual speculation. I hope it isn’t running out of things from actuality to discuss. This is an immense world, after all.

Paraguay 3, Ecuador 1

Not our best outing.

Fortunately, the Chileans failed to defeat Brazil (they came up five goals short), and Uruguay defeated Peru (somewhat controversially). These results guaranteed our qualification for this year’s World Cup, with a game to spare.

Uruguay qualified, too.

The really shocking result was in Europe: North Macedonia eliminated Italy, the continental champions.

As of this writing, we are the qualified nation with the second-least World Cup experience. This will be our fourth World Cup. For Qatar, the host nation, it will be the first.

Thirteen of thirty-two places remain unclaimed.

A snowy day; the groundhog; the new boy; the first boy; Peru 1, Ecuador 1

It was warm enough yesterday for me to push Samuel around the block. Today, though, it’s “the snowy and the blowy” – times ten thousand.

Karin went to her job. Her office stayed open until 1:00, and then she was sent home. Her car got stuck in our driveway; I had to push it back into the street. Then I used the “snow blaster” to clear away most of the snow. And now the driveway is all covered again.

Along our street, people have been shoveling all day, and I feel like a slacker because I’ve only gone out twice to clear away snow.

I doubt the groundhog will make any sort of appearance.

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I’ll tell you who will appear, Lord willing: our new son. Or he might wait a couple of weeks. Last night, Karin & I took Samuel to my parents’ house so we could shop and he could practice receiving care from those abuelos (as he will when Karin & I go to the hospital). His conduct, reportedly, was very good; already he knows to clean up his act for certain audiences. Then this morning, as usual, he wrestled with and mugged me, and when I innocently stood up to give myself a rest, he tried to pull off one of my shoes.

I pray every day that both of our sons will be good and pious people. For now, Samuel seems not to have been spared the normal regimen of hard learning.

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Last night’s World Cup qualifier was productive but unsatisfying. Ecuador scored in the third minute and controlled everything until the middle of the second half. Then we failed to deal with a loose ball in the penalty area, and the Peruvians scored.

That’s two games in a row in which we’ve given up a goal in this manner.

So, we haven’t qualified for the World Cup – at least, not with mathematical certainty. But it’s extremely likely that we’ll qualify.

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Now the pedantic bit. (Feel free to stop reading. Or look at this article, which delineates most of the relevant facts and possibilities. Because Colombia recently lost, “Option 5,” near the bottom, is the pertinent one.)

Each team must play two more games, on March 24 and 29.

Only three rivals – Chile, Peru, and Uruguay – can overtake Ecuador; and if not more than one does, we’ll qualify.

Ecuador will finish with at least 25 points.

Chile can’t earn more than 25 points.

If Peru earns more than 25 points, Uruguay can’t do so.

If Uruguay earns more than 25 points, Peru can’t do so.

What if these teams match but don’t surpass Ecuador’s point total? Ecuador’s goal differential – the first tiebreaker – currently surpasses Chile’s, Peru’s, and Uruguay’s by eleven goals or more. Ecuador also leads all three rivals by a significant number of goals scored; this is the second tiebreaker. What is more, Ecuador outperformed Uruguay and Chile – though not Peru – in head-to-head encounters, which constitute the third tiebreaker.

Finally, Ecuador would guarantee qualification by avoiding defeat in at least one game. And neither Paraguay nor Argentina would benefit by defeating us. So, that works in our favor, too.

World Cup updates; “I love you”; Benidorm; the reader

With just five matches to play, we’re dragging ourselves over the finish line. Last month, in Colombia, we did some heroic time-wasting to earn a 0–0 draw. Kudos to our savvy goalkeeper, Alexander Domínguez, for wasting ten or fifteen minutes during his goal kicks; and to the VAR officials for annulling Colombia’s last-minute goal.

Then, a few days ago, we eked out a 1–0 home victory against cellar-dwellers Venezuela. We were so poor, the result was downright inspiring.

(In fairness, many of our regular players weren’t available.)

Tomorrow night, we’ll play in Chile. The Chileans also have been poor. Even so, they’re on a three-game winning streak and have climbed to fourth place, four points behind us.

If we so much as draw this game, our position will be very strong.

Colombia and Uruguay, the other nearest contenders, also have been struggling.

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The Troggs (on Spotify): “Wild thing, I think I love you.”

Samuel: “I love you.”

He doesn’t say it to his parents; he only repeats what he hears from the TV. When he first said “I love you,” he was repeating a sign-language lesson from Baby Einstein.

Tonight he said, “Love Benidorm.” He really does love Benidorm, the little weirdo.

I think he can read or at least recognize words he’s seen in his books. Today, he recognized the word “summer” when it appeared on the TV; and, yesterday, when the word “Texas” appeared on the TV, he said “taxi.” He’s been doing this for several months.

Ecuador 0, Chile 0

We had the Chileans on the ropes, and then one of our players was ejected for an unlucky foul.

Next qualifier: Thursday, in Montevideo – in Peñarol’s stadium, not in the famed Estadio Centenario.

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Today I mowed one of the lawns and pushed Samuel in his stroller for an hour, which didn’t put him to sleep. He’s been napping less and less. The good news is, he is very interested in numbers. He calls out the numbers he sees in books … and on billboards, keyboards, athletes’ uniforms, etc. He also has been saying color and animal names.

I can’t take credit for this. What has inspired him is Baby Einstein. Let no one disparage that show.

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Today, also, Karin & I cleaned house. Not the house we just bought, but the one we’re living in, my parents’ house.

In Ecuador, my parents loaded their belongings onto a truck and bought plane tickets to the United States. They’ll come to Mishawaka on Sunday. They’ll stay at Mary’s & Martin’s house until their things arrive.

Ecuador 2, Paraguay 0

Hardly a comfortable victory: the goals arrived in minute 88 and in stoppage time. Paraguay defended well but posed little offensive threat. We were devoid of ideas and sharpness until the last quarter of the game; the substitutions helped.

So, due to a couple of goals in less than ten minutes, our streak of winless games – seven, counting the two previous World Cup qualifiers and five games at the Copa América – was ended. Perhaps this will make us bolder.

Yesterday’s other results allowed us to increase our lead over the teams beneath us in the standings.

Our next game, on Sunday against Chile, also will be at home; then we’ll travel to Uruguay for this month’s curtain-closer.

I finished reading Tana French’s In the Woods, which had lain forlornly on my shelf for several years. I didn’t expect it to be such a downer.

Now can we watch The Dublin Murders?, asks Karin.

Well, no. The Dublin Murders relates the stories of In the Woods and The Likeness simultaneously. So, first, I have to read The Likeness.

The weather in Indiana is turning autumnal, which is good for jogging.

Brazil 2, Ecuador 0

The Brazilians labored, but their victory was never in doubt; clearly, they were the better team.

Although the result was just, the second goal was questionable. The VAR officials permitted Neymar to re-take a penalty kick because of a minuscule encroachment by Alexander Domínguez.

This greatly irked the Uruguayan commentators (who are as sober as any commentators I listen to). Throughout the game, they had lots of choice words about Neymar, which I appreciated. Afterward, I watched another hour of Uruguayan TV. What a good little country.

The Brazilians are massively talented, but as long as they continue to run 85–90% of their attacks through Neymar, they are doomed to lose against the best European sides.

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In Mishawaka, temperatures have been in the low nineties (F). We bought a garden hose and a kid-friendly sprinkler. The sprinkler is shaped like a fish; when water spurts out of it, it thrashes in a disturbing fashion. Karin & I showed Samuel how to run back and forth through the spray. At first, he stood just outside of its reach, yelling and waving his arms; eventually, he made a few passes.

Now the lawn is watered, and so it will be longer at the next mowing.

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Edoarda & Stephen are buying a house at the other end of our block. Of course, we also intend to buy a house, and it probably won’t be right here; but it will be nice to live near them for a short time. And when my parents move into the house where we are living now, they’ll be near to Edoarda & Stephen.

In the meantime, Edoarda & Stephen are allowing me to use their new battery-powered mower. It’s quiet; but, on certain terrain, it’s extremely quirky.

Another good result

… in World Cup qualification, against Bolivia. The match transpired as I expected it would, with defensive errors, wasted shots, and Ecuador’s eventual victory. The final score was 3 to 2. We briefly leaped into second place among South Americans. It was mathematically impossible for us to remain there, however, and Argentina overtook us by drawing against Paraguay, in lackluster fashion.

Tomorrow, Colombia or Uruguay can knock us down into fourth place, but not if they also draw. The Colombians will play against us on Tuesday.

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November’s novel by C.P. Snow is The New Men, in which scientists jockey for the privilege of building the atomic bomb. They all consider that it’d be better for the world if the bomb weren’t built – but as long as Nazi and U.S. scientists are trying to build it, British scientists may as well try, too. And thus is lit the fuse of personal ambition.

The old Penguin covers are interesting.

Ecuador 4, Uruguay 2

Well, that went better than I expected.

Our first goal came early, while the Uruguayans, ranked sixth in the world, were still just trying to defend. It brought them out of their half of the field for the rest of the game and made them vulnerable to counterattacks.

We poached the second goal on halftime’s stroke.

Our third goal assured our victory moments after the second half began. VAR had just rescinded a goal of Uruguay’s.

(By the end of the game, VAR would disallow three goals and award one penalty.)

Gonzalo Plata, one of the Sub-20 World Cup’s heroes, scored our fourth goal with panache. Like other important contributors to this game, he was trained at Independiente del Valle.

(And I’d worried that these youngsters would lack the composure and confidence to score.)

Uruguay scored its two goals with late penalty kicks.

So: after two games, we’re in fifth place. We have three points, four goals in favor, and three against (all penalties). And the crucial home fixture against Uruguay is behind us.

Suddenly …
there were much bigger worlds again …
and some small place in them for me.

The misfortunes of Ziva – and of Karin, Samuel, John-Paul, and Ecuador

I feel much better, though I’m still coughing and blowing my nose. Karin and Samuel also have got bad colds. They probably caught the germs from me and then compromised their bodily defenses on Wednesday night.

We were outside in the cold for several hours because little Ziva had escaped through a hole in the screen door.

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It was a desperate time. We searched the yard and then the neighborhood. Then we heard Ziva mewing under our porch. She couldn’t come out the way she’d gone in: either she couldn’t remember how to, or she was obstructed.

We removed several boards nailed to the edge of the porch, only to come up against an even sturdier barrier of wood and concrete. This barrier had a gap in it, however, which Ziva approached. She mewed and looked out at us. We reached in and petted her. We gave her food. But the gap was too small for her to squeeze through.

We decided to tear one of the planks out of the porch floor. But it had been screwed in too tight, and so we had to wait a few more hours until a friend could bring over an electric drill so that we could make a hole large enough for Ziva to fit through. The drilling terrified Ziva.

An hour later, she finally mustered enough courage to climb up onto the porch. By this time it was about 11:00 at night.

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And so, ever since, Samuel and Karin have been sick. It didn’t occur to us to go back inside the house and leave Ziva in her despair – or to put on jackets. At the time, I hardly felt my own illness or the cold.

When a loved one is making desperate little cries, it’s easy to forget about yourself – and other loved ones, I’m sorry to say.

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Last night, then, Karin and Samuel lay around, pretty miserable, as I’d done earlier in the week. I spent the evening web-surfing until I was able to find a video stream of Ecuador’s first qualifier for the Qatar World Cup.

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I remember how, in 2004, Ecuador lost 1–0 to Argentina in a thrilling World Cup qualifier played in Buenos Aires. Hernán Crespo was the goalscorer.

They were two good teams, two mature teams.

Last night’s fixture in the Boca Juniors stadium had the same scoreline but lacked virtuosity and excitement.

Messi scored with a penalty kick and gave a few good passes.

Lautaro Martínez did nothing.

Ecuador’s lone striker, Énner Valencia, was stranded.

Our shining young talent, the left-back Pervis Estupiñán, gave away the penalty.

Alexander Domínguez had to tend goal rather too well for the comfort of the nation.

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Ecuador did improve as the game went on. I hope that, in the coming months, the team will be afforded more practice sessions with its new manager (so far, only two sessions have been held). The other South American teams also have been severely disrupted by the pandemic.

Ecuador will play the next game, against Uruguay, in Quito on Tuesday. Five substitutions will be allowed, which will enable more Uruguayans to come off the field once they’re short of breath.

Three soccer finals

On Sunday, the final matches were held for three major tournaments.

The Women’s World Cup final

I watched much of this – but not all of it (there were competing obligations of church and lunch).

The gringas appeared to be as dominant as they ever have been in history.

The Dutch weren’t bad, exactly, but their plan was too timid: they defended near their own goal and tried to counterattack with just one or two players. Their goose was cooked when they committed a ridiculous penalty foul which gave the USA the lead.

On the gringas’ second goal, the Dutch backpedaled down the middle of the field until the opposing ball carrier was close enough to shoot.

Here are scenes of the gringas partying in their locker room.

The Copa América final

This was a good, old-fashioned Southern Cone-style brawl. Don’t let Brazil’s glamorous reputation fool you. This team is basically another Uruguay – very tough on defense, organized without the ball, slick in attack at the most devastating moments.

The referee called two controversial penalties – one for each side, which I thought good – and had the guts to eject the diaper boy Gabriel Jesus.

Let me forestall misunderstanding: I like Gabriel Jesus, despite his rather sordid tastes (according to Wikipedia, he “reportedly chose to wear number 33” for his club team, Manchester City, “in tribute to the age at which Jesus Christ is believed to have been crucified,” and he and fellow diaper boy Neymar “got matching tattoos … depicting a boy overlooking a favela”). On the field, everything Gabriel Jesus does is productive – which distinguishes him from Neymar.

If Neymar had been playing, I doubt Brazil would’ve been able to control the game so well without the ball. Neymar would’ve insisted on dribbling everywhere.

Instead, he watched from the stands. (The next day, he would miss a training session for his club team, Paris Saint-Germain, triggering much speculation in the press.) He’d been left off Brazil’s roster because of an ankle injury. He’d also been accused of rape.

His replacement, Everton, won the tourney’s Golden Ball award and, in the final match, scored a goal and drew a penalty foul.

Of the Peruvians, we can say that they played well but were unable to break down the Brazilian defense.

The Gold Cup final

I only saw the highlights of this final, which appears to have been a closer contest than I expected.

Some of my friends here in South Bend are diehard USA fans. I wonder: did any of them make the trip to Soldier Field in Chicago?

If so, what was it like in that cauldron, 75% of which was occupied by fans of Mexico?