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Showing posts from March, 2023

1996, the best year in movie history, pt. 61: Cold Comfort Farm

Samuel recovered. But then I threw up, and Daniel threw up, and Karin had other troubles, and I had other troubles and a miserable fever. My mom came over to take care of the children while I writhed in bed. After she went home, she threw up.

We’ve started to feel better. Yesterday I ate only jello, but this morning I was able to hold down some toast and eggs. Then, tonight, I was very hungry, and I had some McDonald’s. That may have been a mistake.

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Cold Comfort Farm

I’ve read Stella Gibbons’s book. It has an undercurrent of, shall we say, nihilism? Anyway, it didn’t sit well.

The movie is, if not less mocking, then gentler, more humane. A lot of the same stuff happens, but it helps that the actors are so winsome in their self-inflicted despair. (A partial roll call: Eileen Atkins, Sheila Burrell, Freddie Jones, Ian McKellen, Rufus Sewell.) You could enjoy watching these people do just about anything. May as well watch them as dismal farmers trudging around in the mud, fornicating and birthing in the hay, giving themselves up to gloom and doom.

It’s funny.

It’s even funnier that a perky distant relation, a fresh-faced Londoner (Kate Beckinsale), recently orphaned, has come to live with them to learn about “life,” so that in middle age she will be able to write a novel in the manner of Jane Austen. She’s got one thing right: even though Austen’s novels are about rich people, a lot of their appeal is due to the not-infrequent trudging around in the mud that the characters are made to do. (Or maybe that’s just what I treasure from the movies.)

Flora, the city girl, proceeds to “improve” her country relations, the Starkadders. She aims to coax them out of their despair. The ruddy cheek!

No, that’s not how the Starkadders see it. They’re so insular, they don’t think of Flora as an entitled busybody. They’re likelier to suspect her of trying to steal their precious, miserable farm. Little do they realize, her ambition is more like an Austen heroine’s: she wants to arrange everyone’s life just-so.

But then, so does Ada Doom (Burrell), the matriarch who leaves her room but twice a year – in order to count her relations and farmhands – and who obsesses over a trauma of her girlhood, which is that she “saw something nasty in the woodshed.” This trauma is her justification for discouraging the other Starkadders from imagining that they could leave the farm. Only Flora’s cousin, Seth Starkadder (Sewell), spares any thought for the outside world, and that’s because he’s a devotee of the talkies. Oh, and so does old Amos Starkadder (McKellen). He preaches fire-and-brimstone sermons every week in the Church of the Quivering Brethren. His theme is that everyone is hellbound. Not hellbound yet redeemable through Christ – hellbound, full stop. The fire will never be quenched. There’ll be no salve for the burns: “There’ll be no butter in hell!” The Brethren quiver in the ecstasy of their damnation.

David, my brother, has noticed that it’s a very short step from this famous line to the Newsboys’ Christian pop lyric, “They don’t serve breakfast in hell.” One might suspect that the Newsboys are drawing from Gibbons’s book. (Or, just possibly, from this movie, which narrowly preceded the song.)

Anyway, Flora, like Austen’s Emma, channels these interests of Seth’s and Amos’s into meaningful, if not especially admirable, enterprises, and soon she is figuring out how to do the same to everyone else on the farm. But will her own destiny be tidied up so neatly? Will she detail and execute her own life-plan, or will she relinquish a little control to gain a little wisdom?


A lawsuit

Now that we’ve recovered from our illnesses, Samuel has started throwing up. We hope it’s just a little food poisoning. He did get into some woefully expired milk. …

We are teaching him to throw up in a bucket and not on the furniture or the floor.

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Four big publishers – Hachette, HarperCollins, Wiley, and Penguin Random House – have sued the Internet Archive. Today, a court ruled in their favor.

I’m not competent to evaluate this case. For all I know, this ruling is legally correct.

But I’ll say this.

I’ve found the Internet Archive to be extremely useful. As I pursue my non-lucrative – but, I hope, not entirely worthless – personal projects, I tend to study several sources at the same time. The public library system can’t or won’t lend me the kinds of sources that I use – not all at once, and certainly not on less than four weeks’ notice. Nor do I have convenient access to university library materials.

As readers of this blog know, I buy as many books as I can – often, books issued by these same publishers. But that doesn’t quite meet my needs, either.

Indeed, I regularly buy books because I’ve been able to preview them via the Internet Archive. For me, this website is a reference tool – a pit-stop on the way to other reading, not an ultimate reading destination.

My point is that for an ordinary bloke like me, certain extremely meaningful projects would become much more difficult, and maybe even impossible, without some free service like the Internet Archive. If what this organization does is illegal … well, then, we oughta try really hard to figure out some way for the same thing to be done legally.

Marchette Chute

I’m reading Marchette Chute’s Stories from Shakespeare, which I’ve discovered late in life. These retellings compare favorably with those of Charles & Mary Lamb and Leon Garfield. Chute outdoes those authors by discussing nearly all of the plays, even those that the Lambs and Garfield won’t touch. For example, Chute writes separate chapters for each of the three dreadful parts of King Henry VI. She mentions, but avoids dwelling upon, the chief plot points and characters of that trilogy. Its ambitious nobles – and, for that matter, commoners like Joan of Arc (who, according to Shakespeare, definitely was a witch) – rise up and are mowed down at a nice clip, as in Judges or 2 Kings. But Chute is uninterested in gore: Titus Andronicus is dispatched in a little more than a page. And the misanthropic Timon of Athens gets just three and a half pages. I was eager to read a quick dismissal of Pericles, which, apparently, Shakespeare nonchalantly co-authored with a brothel keeper; and then I realized that Chute avoids that play altogether by restricting herself to those of the First Folio. Well played, Madam, well played.

When I was a child, I loved Shakespeare and Shakespearean retellings, and then I put away childish things; and now I wonder if I ought to have stayed with with my first love.

The sports

We’re all still sick, but we feel much better – except for Karin, who feels poorly again. She did go to the office today.

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I picked these teams to reach the Final Four:

Indiana, because of my loyalty to the state. ELIMINATED!

Purdue, also because of my loyalty to the state (not to former University President and former Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels). ELIMINATED!

Kansas, because I used to live near the Kansas-Missouri border. ELIMINATED!

Mizzou. Ditto. ELIMINATED! Who’d’ve thought Mizzou would finish second to Princeton in the Battle of the Tigers.

Now I’m cheering for Kansas State. It’s a respectable prairie team. I saw Kansas State beat Kentucky in the Battle of the Wildcats. I’d like the Big 12 Conference to secure its third straight title, or at least its fourth straight title game appearance.

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The schedule has been set for the quarterfinals, semifinals, and final of the UEFA Champions League:

In the top half of the bracket, Chelsea will play against Real Madrid, and the winning club will face either Manchester City or Bayern Munich.

On paper, the bottom half is much easier: Napoli will play against Milan, and Benfica will play against Inter.

I’m pleased that Napoli is likely to scale greater heights than ever before in this tournament. I’ve seen Napoli play in several games. The players are smart, they work hard for each other, and, skill-wise, they range from excellent to breathtaking. Look out, especially, for the Cameroonian, the Georgian, the Nigerian, and the Pole.

The ghost of Maradona is smiling down …

Ill, still

Karin felt poorly enough to miss work again. Then, yesterday, she returned to the office. It’s a toss-up whether it’s more restful (a) in the office (but away from bed), or (b) in our house, in bed (but near to our lively sons).

Samuel and Daniel are still congested, but they’re healthy enough to jump up and down on us.

This morning, Karin felt so much better that she pranced into the kitchen and made pancakes.

“Don’t eat them,” she said. “They’re terrible. I used a new recipe from the Internet. It got awful reviews. I didn’t see the reviews until I’d finished cooking.”

The boys and I ate the pancakes. They were pretty bad.

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As I age, my illnesses follow a predictable pattern but take longer and longer to play themselves out at each stage. When Samuel and Daniel became ill, I had the slightest feeling in my chest that the same thing would happen to me. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, and it took so long for other symptoms to present themselves that I hoped I’d bypassed the illness altogether. I even ate up the leftovers from the boys’ plates. (The boys aren’t immune to this bug, but I am, I thought.)

Alas, it was a vain hope, and I probably shouldn’t have eaten those leftovers.

Now it’s taking an eternity for the harshest stages of this utterly unremarkable cold to run their course. The worst of it is that all of life … all of the past … all of the foreseeable future … all of the universe, the multiverse, the pluriverse … all of these “verses” … they seem irredeemably bleak.

(Karin: “Are you over there, writing about how you’re losing the will to live?”

John-Paul: “Yes.”

Karin: “I know it’s not funny … but it’s kind of funny.”)

Australianisms; more illness; March’s poem

I’ve begun another Peter Temple novel, The Broken Shore. It has a glossary of Australian terms.
Abo. Abbreviation for “Aboriginal.” The usage is derogatory or racist except in Aboriginal English.

Aggro. “Aggression” or “aggressive.” (Just takes two or three drinks, then he gets aggro.)

Ambo. An ambulance or an ambulance worker. (The following sentence is possible: Mate, the last thing I needed was an ambo with an aggro ambo.)

Bickie. A cookie. Abbreviation of biscuit.

Bloodhouse. A hotel known for its fights.

Blow-in. A term of scorn for a newcomer, particularly one who voices an opinion about local affairs or tries to change anything. (Bloody blow-in, what does she know about this town?) [Is Temple a blow-in? He immigrated from South Africa.]

Bludger. Once, a man living off a prostitute’s earnings; now applied to anyone who shirks work, duty or obligation. A dole bludger is someone who would rather live on unemployment benefits than take a job.

Bluey. A workman’s hard-wearing cotton jacket. It can also be a blanket, a cattle dog, or a red-haired person. [Also, a children’s cartoon series on Disney Plus (in the U.S.), and a character therein – a talking dog.]
And so on. A few more:
Hoon. Once a procurer of prostitutes, but now any badly behaved person, usually a young male. Irresponsible young drivers are hoons who go for a hoon in their cars. Mark Twain uses the expression as drunk as hoons in Sketches Old and New, where it presumably derives from “Huns.”

Macca’s. The popular name for McDonald’s. It is also used for anything eaten at McDonald’s. (We had Macca’s for lunch.)

Pommy. Someone from England. The English are often known as Pommy bastards. This has been known to be said affectionately. The term derives from “pomegranate” as rhyming slang for “immigrant.”

Salvo. A member of the Salvation Army. [“Sally” or, less commonly, “Sally Ann” in Britain, Canada, or the U.S.]

Spaggy bol. Spaghetti bolognese. Also called spag bol. Italian immigrants to Australia were once called spags.

Suckhole. A vulgar term for one who curries favor with others, an obsequious person. A future leader of the Australian Labor Party once described those in the Liberal Party who looked to America for leadership as a conga line of suckholes.

Swaggie. An itinerant, a person of no fixed address who carries all his belongings in a swag. (A celebrated note passed to a speaker in the Australian Federal Parliament advising him to change the subject read: Pull out, digger, the dogs are pissing on your swag [other terms not in glossary].) A distinction was formerly made between swaggies and travellers, the latter being people looking for work. The expression Nice day for travelling means: You’re fired.
Temple’s protagonist wasn’t much of a reader until a period of convalescence. Then he read In Cold Blood in a day and a night and The Executioner’s Song in the same amount of time. I don’t believe the part about reading The Executioner’s Song so quickly.

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The boys are on the up (but Daniel sleeps more than usual); Karin, having caught the bug and missed one workday, is on the up; I now am the sickest person in the house. This will be a Mucinex-and-water day for me. I shall try to do some productive coughs.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
Dear March – Come in –
How glad I am –
I hoped for you before –
Put down your Hat –
You must have walked –
How out of Breath you are –
Dear March, how are you, and the Rest –
Did you leave Nature well –
Oh March, Come right upstairs with me –
I have so much to tell –

I got your Letter, and the Birds –
The Maples never knew that you were coming –
I declare – how Red their Faces grew –
But March, forgive me –
And all those Hills you left for me to Hue –
There was no Purple suitable –
You took it all with you –

Who knocks? That April –
Lock the Door –
I will not be pursued –
He stayed away a Year to call
When I am occupied –
But trifles look so trivial
As soon as you have come

That blame is just as dear as Praise
And Praise as mere as Blame –
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

(Emily Dickinson)

Illness; reading to Samuel; reading to Daniel; the canceling of books

Nasty colds this week for Samuel and Daniel. It’s the first cold of Daniel’s life. Samuel, poor lad, is old enough to ruminate upon how unpleasant illness is – and to feel not just ill but, also, demoralized.

To cheer him up, I read him four chapters of Fantastic Mr. Fox. He enjoys it well enough, and then he abruptly goes off to play.

When he is demoralized again, I read him half of The Enormous Crocodile.

“Do you like this book, Sammy?” I ask.

“No,” he says.

But we soldier on. When we finish, I again ask, “Did you like that book?”

“Yes,” he says in a low, raspy voice.

It won’t be very many days until we finish Fantastic Mr. Fox, and then Samuel will have had his first full excursion through an (almost-)novel. We’ve read a good amount of Stuart Little, too, but I had to put that devastating book down for a bit because I was demoralized. Samuel liked it pretty well until he was confronted with E.B. White’s rather technical descriptions of the schooner Wasp.

He may not yet be ready for Herman Melville or Patrick O’Brien. I may never be ready for Patrick O’Brien.

Like his brother before him, Daniel has been signed up for Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, and this week he received the usual first installment, The Little Engine that Could, which I neither enjoy nor admire, and of which we already own maybe a half-dozen copies. This version has new drawings. Have the old ones been deemed to be morally beyond the pale? Or just too ugly? I know that a couple of years ago Samuel was given a copy with the old drawings. Since Samuel was born, some of Dr. Seuss also has been canceled, and Roald Dahl has had his bitter prose sweetened up by his publishers. I need to make sure to buy the editions that I like before they disappear.

(It’s hardly a new thing, of course – the canceling of children’s books because of a decline in tolerance for this or that wrongful or different attitude.)

42 days of darkness

Here’s somewhere you don’t often see on TV: the affluent, beautiful, dismal Los Lagos region of southern Chile. It’s where Netflix’s 42 Days of Darkness is set. I enjoy cloudy weather, or I believed I did; I once thought it’d be nice to live in Puerto Montt. But natural beauty never looked so dreary as in this show.

More precisely, the setting is Puerto Varas, on Lago Llanquihue. A housewife disappears from a gated community. Has she been kidnapped, as her husband claims? Has she been murdered? Has she simply abandoned her family? The police investigate at a snail’s pace. Brisker progress is made by a hustling lawyer and his associates, who are moved as much by the compulsion to snoop as by the prospect of helping the family (and receiving payment). The story is modeled after a true one – I don’t know how closely. Stories of missing persons are the most wrenching to watch. I dread putting each episode on; and then I quickly get carried along, buoyed by the energy of the desperate, shabby lawyer as he struggles against the complacency of other lawyers and the police. It’s as if Ramón Valdés from El Chavo del Ocho set out to solve a crime.

Bedtime music, pt. 153; body-text fonts, pt. 13: Goudy Old Style

Samuel has been asking to listen to Michael Stearns on Spotify, in the basement, late at night.


He curls up in an armchair, wraps himself in a blanket, and goes to sleep.


It’s cute, but he is becoming a quite heavy sack of potatoes. I’d rather not make a habit of carrying him up the stairs to his bed.

Tonight, both children are extremely wild and violent.

Meanwhile, in Florida …

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This is Goudy, one of the “diamond-dot” fonts (look at the semicolons, colons, periods, etc. – well, maybe you can’t tell from this screenshot).


It’s especially useful in tight spaces, e.g. in narrow columns or where there is little distance between successive lines of text. Harper’s Magazine, which has been set in Goudy for many years, has got the best-looking body text of the famous magazines, better-looking even than The New Yorker’s.

A free variant, available in the roman and italic styles – but not in boldface – is Sorts Mill Goudy.

The sodfather; a warm day; a blood test; blurbs

Man ends 80-year career when bureaucrats tick him off (USA Today).

“They can’t tell me what to do anymore!”

… says the “Sodfather.”

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Wednesday: so warm, so dry, I let Samuel and Daniel have the run of the back yard. In shorts. We had a lovely time.


As of this afternoon, there’s snow-slush everywhere.

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Daniel went to his one-year checkup. They gave him five injections and poked him to test his blood. Seems a bit much, doesn’t it?

Anyway, he has too much lead in his blood.

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These are the best blurbs I’ve seen upon one dust jacket.

Re: the book:

“No summary or catalogue of details
will do it justice.” (Age)

Re: the author:

“Brilliant.” (Australian)

“Inspired.” (Sun-Herald)

“Irresistibly entertaining.” (Time Out New York)

“The genuine article.” (Australian Book Review)

“Gutsy.” (Australian’s Review of Books)

“Fast, funny, fabulous.” (The Adelaide Advertiser)

“World-class.” (Canberra Times)

“A cracker.” (Australian Bookseller & Publisher)

“Towering achievement.” (Guardian)

“Stone classic.” (Independent [UK])

“Top-class.” (Telegraph [UK])

“Startlingly good.” (Sydney Moring Herald)

“Powerfully economical.” (Bulletin)

I read the book. It truly was all of those things.

P.S. Australians are savage.