Celtic 4, Chelsea 1

I’m sunburnt because yesterday I attended the pre-season “friendly” between these clubs, at Notre Dame Stadium. Chelsea’s fans came in droves; Celtic’s, who were fewer, cheered better. The Chelsea faithful commenced their exodus after Celtic’s fourth goal.

Martin watched Cameron Carter-Vickers, his compatriot, perform flawlessly for Celtic.

David’s aunt- and uncle-in-law, who’ve been visiting from Honduras, saw their compatriot, Luis Palma, score Celtic’s third goal.

Kasper Schmeichel was Celtic’s best performer. As for Chelsea, Raheem Stirling, of all people, was the brightest spark. He fizzled out ten minutes after coming on.

David, Stephen, and I had hoped to see Moisés Caicedo, but he was absent. So were Cucurella, Fernández, Palmer, and others. Trevoh Chalobah, whom I consider the club’s best defender, is in the doghouse and didn’t make the trip.

I know it’s the preseason and teams aren’t giving it their all, but this was the first time I’d seen players look worse live than on TV.

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I also have terrible heartburn today. I ate serving after serving of chili at my niece Belladonna’s birthday party. She is two. She is a winsome little thing.

I list all the World Cup teams

Last night, I watched Peru defeat New Zealand, 2–0, to qualify for the World Cup. Earlier yesterday, Australia defeated Honduras, and the previous day, Denmark defeated the Republic of Ireland. And so the qualification cycle has ended.

Before I went to sleep, I recited all of the qualified teams to Karin:

Egypt
Morocco
Nigeria
Senegal
Tunisia

Australia
Iran
Japan
Saudi Arabia
South Korea

Belgium
Croatia
Denmark
England
France
Germany
Iceland
Poland
Portugal
Russia
Serbia
Spain
Sweden
Switzerland

Costa Rica
Mexico
Panama

Argentina
Brazil
Colombia
Peru
Uruguay

Iceland (not Ireland) and Panama are first-time participants. Peru last reached this stage when I was less than a year old.

I have vivid World Cup memories of all the other teams.

More results

Well, Paraguay lost to Venezuela, 1 to 0. So much for Paraguay.

Argentina defeated Ecuador, leaped over several teams, and qualified for the World Cup. Ecuador didn’t field any of the players who defeated Argentina in the first game of the tourney. That, perhaps, is the most surprising fact of Ecuador’s World Cup cycle.

In Lima, Peru and Colombia each scored one goal. Peru’s was a golazo by its talisman, the excellent Paolo Guerrero. He scored with an indirect free kick that was touched by the Colombian goalkeeper. Now, to reach the World Cup, Peru must defeat New Zealand in a two-game playoff. Colombia finished above Peru and reached the World Cup directly.

The Uruguayans scored twice against themselves but still defeated Bolivia, 4 to 2. They also qualified for the World Cup.

These results helped to eliminate the Chileans, whom the group-winning Brazilians defeated, 3 to 0.

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Ironically, the Chileans would’ve qualified for the playoff at Peru’s expense had they not won an earlier judgment in court. Due to Bolivian impropriety, Chile and Peru had sued against that nation. Chile’s 0–0 draw against Bolivia was converted into a 3–0 Chilean victory, and a 2–0 victory for Bolivia became a 3–0 victory for the Peruvians. On the whole, then, the judgment benefited Peru more than Chile. The difference was enough to switch these nations’ respective, final positions (click to enlarge):

(The chart on the left gives the official, post-judgment standings. The chart on the right shows what would’ve resulted without the court judgment.)

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All of this was dramatic enough. But it paled in comparison to what happened in North America.

The Hondurans, obliged to defeat Mexico, narrowly managed to do so. One of their goals came from a shot that hit the crossbar and bounced off the Mexican goalkeeper’s head.

The Panamanians were similarly obliged to defeat Costa Rica. Their winning goal came at the end of the game. I celebrated it with great passion. Their earlier goal was even more dramatic. It was un gol fantasma: the ball never crossed the goal line. But the shooter, Blas Pérez – my old Panamanian favorite – was fouled and should’ve been awarded a penalty kick.

Here’s a video that shows all of this in clear detail. It also shows the Hondurans’ lucky goal.

Why do I care about these North American games? Because they made possible the elimination of the United States, that hollow team, which lost against Trinidad and Tobago. And so one of my dreams, that the U.S. should fail to qualify for a World Cup, has finally come true.

Costa Rica 1, Italy 0; France 5, Switzerland 2; Ecuador 2, Honduras 1

The Costa Ricans are for real.

The Swiss’s collapse was sorrier than Spain’s. Some of the French goals were as soft as cotton.

Victory for Ecuador. … We looked awful. We looked like we were in the 2002 World Cup: tentative, nervy. Without Castillo, we couldn’t dominate the midfield. It wasn’t pleasing to behold.

A few other notes:

(1) The Hondurans have such dirty players. They tackle viciously; they handle deliberately. Playing beautifully against them is impossible. A cynical, cynical team.

(2) Our second goal against Honduras was a carbon copy of our goal against the Swiss — and of several earlier goals (here and here). A foul against Jefferson Montero on the left side of the box; a bullet cross by Walter Ayoví; a close-range header. This trick may be unstoppable.

Colombia 2, Ivory Coast 1; Uruguay 2, England 1; Greece 0, Japan 0

Tonight we’ll play against Honduras. Do-or-die.

Uruguayan Luis Suárez, inactive previously, scored twice against the English. What a difference one player makes. … Against the Ivorians, Colombia’s star was Old Man Yepes, playing his one-hundredth game (this tournament, I’ve not seen a neater tackler). His team qualified for Round 2 due to Japan’s dour draw with Greece.

Switzerland 2, Ecuador 1; France 3, Honduras 0; Argentina 2, Bosnia and Herzegovina 1

Crushing sadness after yesterday’s defeat. …

I think that Bianca knows when we’re sad. She sits closer to us.

I’ve read that cats aren’t susceptible to “contagious” yawning; but I could swear I’ve seen Bianca do it.

A soccer storm

Now that their qualifiers have ended, the South Americans are reacquainting themselves to the rest of the world.

In Brussels: Belgium 0, Colombia 2

In London: England 0, Chile 2

In Amman: Jordan 0, Uruguay 5

In Miami: Honduras 0, Brazil 5

In New Jersey: Argentina 0, Ecuador 0 (appropriate)

It should be a good World Cup.

Despite the stormy forecast, Stephen and I took to the field. Wind and water made long passing difficult. But we kept playing until Meridith yelled at us to quit because of the lightning.

On our way home, the rain was so thick that we couldn’t see, and when we arrived, the power was out. We sat around in candlelight. In adjacent counties, there were tornadoes.

But the storm passed quickly enough, and today, unfortunately, I have to go to school.