Potato Tots 1, Chelsea 4

Strangest game I’ve seen. Very good home team, previously unbeaten, blown out by pitiful archrival. Minute 33, home team surrenders player (straight red card). Minute 55, surrenders second player (two yellow cards). Home team better than archrival, all game long; nearly rescues draw after 90-minute mark; ultimately, loses by three goals. All game long, home team, unafraid of archrival, maintains brazenly high defensive line. Archrival unable to beat high defensive line. Archrival pitiful. Archrival’s main striker pitiful. Plays abysmally. Scores three goals. Blowers-out, trash; blown-out, bosses. Highly paradoxical. In context, utterly logical. Strangest game I’ve seen.